Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! The great big greedy nincompoop!
How long could we allow this beast to gorge and guzzle, feed and feast on everything he wanted to?
Great Scott! It simply wouldn’t do!
However long this pig might live,
We’re positive he’d never give even the smallest bit of fun or happiness to anyone.
So what we do in cases such as this, we use the gentle touch,
And carefully we take the brat
And turn him into something that will give great pleasure to us all–
A doll, for instance, or a ball, or marbles or a rocking horse.
~Roald Dahl, Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop!